Wednesday, January 11, 2017

Release the Prisoner: Free yourself

The danger of feeding into negativity and the resulting factors have been well documented on a psychological and spiritual level. The only true way to release yourself from the burden of a life of bitterness and dwelling in misery is to actively implement the life changing information readily available. Why do we opt out of using it? Is it easier to hold on to bitterness while denying that it so obviously exist in your life? Bitterness drives so many of us yet we swiftly dispel that notion instead of giving it proper consideration. I mean hell who wants to be labeled as being "bitter", right? I'm going to challenge you to take some time to think about it, no one is around it's just you and your thoughts. If you begin by excluding the time spent on what/who caused the hurt/pain allowing you to only to concentrate on what your reality is, at this present moment. So what happen, happened! It sucks! Refusing to acknowledge acceptance of what has transpired and your present day reality is the seed of bitterness. We can get into what fuels it a little later. What does accepting look like because it’s not just saying “I accept what’s happened to me!” Acceptance resembles release, learning the lesson and growth. If you find that your struggling is covered in negative speech, destructive acting out and constant blame then you are bitter. Acceptance is not your reality. There are other variables that feed into the end result however when you deal with the core of anything your chances of resolving the complete issue becomes inevitable.

The more we hold onto past hurts the more we become drunk on our pain and the experience can rob us of the joy we can find in anything. Again no one likes to admit that they are bitter or harboring resentment especially if you use so much of your energy trying to convince others that you are not. Unfortunately what typically happens is you began believing what you’ve said over and over as truth. The facade then  becomes disastrous because you will spend months or years in a private hell due to self deceit. Long lonely tearful nights, many moments of emptiness and feeling unfulfilled daily. I once nurtured bitterness and was well on my way to being consumed. I remember making a choice about 4 years ago to work towards being honest with myself about my feelings and intent. This was for my personal growth not for anyone else. Once I accepted my reality I knew I also had to figure out how I would then LIVE in it and alter it. I realized that the negativity that surrounded me had a lot to do with my choice of allowing it to breath. There would be no relief if I didn’t first suffocate it and replace it with positive energy and people.  

“As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison”. ~Nelson Mandela
I always appreciate a quote rich in substance and reality, much can be said for practical advice not just philosophical words. It also helps when the quote assist in proving a valid point. Mr. Mandela understood that if he planned to live out the remaining years of his life happy and effectively that there would be no room for bitterness nor hatred. One of the many lessons he learned while in prison was that a mental and emotional prison is just as restricting as a physical prison. Your pain may be valid but a bitter attitude will only increase YOUR misery. It will drive away potential sources of true support and love. Bitterness will always chase away love in your heart and your life. What’s most unfortunate is the obvious denial of what has taken root and is being nurtured. I’m sorry but it’s not that well hidden. If you are honest with yourself then you’ll see some of these descriptors as being familiar: sad/depressed, angry, hostile, ranting about wrongs, refusing to see self, resentful, dwelling on past wrongs, stubborn, wounded, moody, lashing out at others, carrying emotional baggage, blaming others, stereotyping, scapegoating, agitated, negative and critical, defensive, cultivating grudges, raging, maliciousness. This is what bitterness looks like. How could anyone possibly succeed with moving forward fostering any of these emotions and actions mentioned? One of the first successful steps to healing is identifying the wound. If we take a moment and think about it that would apply to any physical/emotional wound or problem as well.

When we are hurt, we have a tendency to replay the painful events over and over in our head or tell anyone who will listen about our pain–even over and over again. Now I personally think it’s great to discuss your inner most feelings with someone or a support group. However that someone should be about helping to heal the hurt, facilitate reconciliation if so desired or just encourage the rebuilding of your life. These are all my personal reflections as I’ve had to fight the battle of bitterness to save my own life from decaying. The few things I’ve noticed in hindsight are the denial (non-acceptance), how it kept me tormented and those that were so willing to eagerly watch me suffer. There is only one word of advice I will offer about the latter and that’s beware of those who vouch for you to continually have a seat in despair among bitterness. These individuals do so by making it comfortable and inviting for you to remain tormented disguising their help as “being supportive”. Again I speak from personal life experience not solely on research. I learned that the pain and heartache I experienced wasn’t going away until I dealt with and accepted what happened. I let go of the idea of “payback” or proving someone wrong. I shifted my focus inward, so I could see me because I had abandoned me like many others. L

Carl Jung stated “the person who looks outward dreams, the person who looks inward awakens.” It wasn’t until I realized that the only true control I had was over myself, I was then able to begin and allow the work needed to fix my heart and mind. I opened my eyes to what I refused to see was causing the ongoing heartache. I know it’s difficult to admit but I want to share with you in love what those around you may have tried and you wouldn’t listen. Or maybe you know but decided to subconsciously suppress. Your life will never get better, that piercing sting will only become more agonizing and you will always be a prisoner if you persist on the path of bitterness.

Break loose and FREE yourself! 

1 comment:

  1. I like this post I think it is a good topic because often times people do hold on to their pain. Which seems wired when you think about it because it's like why would someone WANT to hold onto their pain? I have to agree and say that when you place importance on yourself and focus on building a better you because you want to do it for yourself because you have self-love and because you have self-respect your life will change tremendously and guess what? You want have to try hard to prove someone wrong or get "pay back" because just by you deciding to do you and live free will have those people in their feelings anyway. Great post Mama! Love you!