Twins Series: Summer Reading Review

I haven’t given an update on the summer book series that I planned for my twin sons. I also read the books (or already have) so that I can schedule time for us to share our thoughts. I am delighted to give a positive update about how enjoyable the conversations have all been. Although they were reluctant initially the Twins have become more involved and dare I say eager to share their thoughts and discuss the books along with the major theme and/or topic of the book choice. We began with reading "Unlocking the Truth", our discussion emphasized thinking outside the box and not allowing people to contain you to their limits. We then read Sharon Draper’s "Tears of a Tiger" this particular discussion focused on friendship and suicide. I believe that prevention is in talking about suicide to ensure that your teens don’t feel so isolated that the option to reach out isn’t contemplated.

The next selection was "A Long way Gone" by Ishmael Beah this book was tough due to the hardship that is being currently experienced in the Sub-African countries. The twins appeared to be quite sad about Ishmael’s journey and the loss he suffered. I must say as I consider all the books we’ve read this book stirred the most emotion. Unlike the other book, with this one I observed them reading together, sometimes taking turns to read out loud. I highly recommend the book if anyone is looking for something to read. I needed to be sure they read my high school favorite, by S.E. Hinton “The Outsiders”. The discussion focused on classism and stereotypes. I wanted to be sure they had a healthy comprehension and able to articulate their own thoughts. One aspect I cherish most about reading is being able to think about what I read, considering what I know about the content and formulating my own thoughts/perspective/assessment. I've notice from our first conversations up until now how they actually take the time to process what they've read, think about the questions and share their thoughts. They actually began to present questions and using examples from their life to explain or associate their reasoning.

So yesterday (9/5/17) after an hour and a half of some impressive conversation, I asked one of my favorite questions, “What character impacted you most and how do you identify with them?” Darrin Lee answered first, “Well I liked Scout the most, because she didn’t allow others to tell her how to feel about people or how she should be, she was an individual. I like being a twin but I like being me more. We do things different but I like being my own person” Then John answered, “I liked Tom Robinson the best, because he was a good man that loved and protected his family. He believed in being fair and I like treating people right.” What’s funny is that their character truly reflect the way they answered. John has always been the more caring of the two and Darrin Lee is the twin that will correct you should you call him by the wrong name or say “twin”. He’s also the one that asked me at a young age to stop dressing them alike. J When I inquired about which book out of all the books we’ve read, which book you enjoyed reading the most, and they both said in unison “The Outsiders”. They both stated they liked the “action” and the relationship between Darry, Sodapop and Ponyboy.

The idea to add summer reading for the Twins went so well, I decided to continue. Our conversations alone allow me an opportunity to connect with them about their views and how they feel about various topics and social issues. It’s a joy watching my sons use critical thinking skills and expand their minds. I want them to consider others, be empathetic, accept differences and hold firm to their own values/beliefs. Books allow so many paths to be explored that I dare not place limits on their potential. It’s a blessing to have the opportunity to encourage my sons to do more than just read but pick up a book to be enriched. There’s a quote that says “We lose ourselves in books but we find ourselves there too”.

Our next book selection is “Wonder” by R.J. Palacio, not sure what lead me to pick it but variety is good. I’m open to suggestions should you, yes you being the reader, want to share book selections. Thanks in advance and I appreciate your contribution to helping me to continue to parent enthusiastically.    

Parent Enthusiastically & Enrich their minds

I’m in the midst of reading Charlemagne tha God’s book “Black Privilege”. The book is interesting for numerous reasons however my focal point will be something Charlemagne shares about his mother and her encouraging him to read books specifically book that didn’t pertain to him or his life. I initially didn’t fully appreciate the reason he shared until I was having a discussion with someone about a topic that they were surprised I could share an informed opinion about. I’ve stated in previous blog entries that I embrace opportunities to learn something new and how much I relish in the process of learning. The idea of encouraging your child to read about a variety of subjects increases their ability to think critically and assess situations from several perspectives. In an effort to keep the twins encouraged to read more I discovered that I catered to what they like, which is good however incorporating some variety could also be beneficial.

Lee and I were out this weekend, went in a few stores he indulged me by going into the Dollar Tree. I needed to obtain some gift boxes for some Mother’s Day gifts I had previously purchased. While we were in the store I walked down an aisle that was stacked with books. I was surprised and delighted because there was a great range of hard cover books and I didn’t realize were sold in this store. Similar to any true lover of books I took time out to shuffle through the three packed shelves of books. The price of the book helped in making a treasured find all the more valuable. Lee, aware of my goal to have the Twins become more engaged readers held up a book stating, “I heard about these boys and their band, this might be a good one for the twins”. I was enthralled in my search so without looking up I asked Lee to elaborate, as he read the inner cover he stopped and said “Never mind they may not be interested in this.” That was the sentence that made me pause, Charlemagne’s story about his mother making him read things that didn’t pertain to his life came to mind. I looked up and said “It’s the perfect book, do they have two?”

My goal in life as a mother is to equip my kids with the best information I have so that they are knowledgeable in multiple areas. I want them to do more than survive in life, I want them to flourish. I often tell them “I’m giving you the gift of knowledge and no one will ever be able to rob you of it!” I make it a point to learn additional techniques to improve parenting skills. I listen to the adult children about methods their mothers used while raising them (i.e. Charlemagne). Books have always been important to me from Judy Blume’s “Are you there God, it’s me Margaret” to my favorite “Coldest Winter Ever” by Sista Souljah. You tell me just how diverse the spectrum is pertaining to those two books.  

Like most mothers I consider the short and long term when it comes to parenting. The twins excel in all things electronic, math and athletics. While encouraging them to cultivate what they love doing I also want to build on what is innate in them. I pray what I teach helps them to succeed. What I do understand that if we want our children to exceed to a higher level we must sacrifice and find a balance.

I purchased “Unlocking the Truth” a book about young African American boys that started a rock band and against all odds have become successful. The twins don’t listen to rock music however the band’s story of perseverance and ambition to go after their dream is what I’m hoping translate. I’m reading along with them preparing questions for a 10-12 minute discussion after each section. The first section went better than I expected. Be sure to build a library that offers a variety of subjects and engage them in a short discussion about their thoughts on what they read. Encourage critical thinking skills early and encourage them to increase their vocabulary. Being actively involved in the enrichment of their mind and character is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give.

Live Free and Parent Enthusiastically! 

A Time to TEACH

The twins turned 13 years old back in October. Now while they are still adorably cute to me I had to accept the fact that they are viewed as a threat to society. I honestly believe this is due largely in part to the systematic dehumanization of the black male achieved by the media. A little over a year ago I decided to start conversations with them about how to conduct themselves in the predominately white school they attended. The murders of Trayvon Martin and Tamir Rice sparked a fear inside of me that no mother should ever have to endure.

Our discussions were great and the decision to have them watch the Netflix documentary titled “13^th” took it to another level. Please don’t worry this isn’t a spoiler if you have yet to view “13^th”, so stay with me I have a point. I decided to have the Twins view the documentary so that we can discuss their thoughts, feelings and the questions I prepared. I was surprised at just how involved they were and their response. They were both quite attentive while watching and full of their own questions after the documentary ended. We discussed what the 13^th amendment was, the ramifications of politicians taking advantage of the loopholes in the 13^th amendment and how the media assisted in criminalizing young black men. Their questions were perceptive, earnest and somewhat naïve. It all made for a good eye-opening conversation for us.

The difficulty I had with talking about the systematic oppression people of color experience centered on wanting the twins to retain the innocence of their youth. I mean I didn’t want to tarnish their view of the world they lived in but unfortunately black children aren’t always afforded an extended stay in “naïveté”. It’s a sad truth and the time has come for it to be revealed, explained and discussed. Like many other mothers, want my children to succeed and rise to the level of their greatest potential. This often means making sacrifices, enduring awkward conversations, being open, honest and taking the time out to teach them what social injustice resembles. It is important to balance bringing awareness to them and ensuring that they don’t become jaded. I want them to be proud of their racial identity and respectful of others. I believe that this has to begin with them knowing the history of our people and our country.

I was awaken by the oldest of the twins at about 3am in the morning. He was worried about what he saw in the documentary and he still had questions. He told me “Momma, I can’t stop thinking about that movie and why they think we are all bad.” I assured him that not everyone believed that however there is a system that needs to be altered and was stacked against minorities. What kind of answers do you give a boy that has friends from different races and backgrounds he genuinely likes? How do you soothe the mind of a teen you know has a heart for others? When is there a good time to have these types of discussions? I encouraged him to maintain his friendships, to do his best in making decisions and remain mindful of what his reality is. The truth of the matter is his results won’t be the same as his friends. I had to accept that and in order for me to keep him safe I needed him to do the same. “You are NOT less than, John. Some people are just afraid of allowing others that look like us to be GREAT!”   

I read Dr. Beverly Tatum’s book “Why are all the black kids sitting together in the cafeteria” for a class I was taking. I didn’t realize at the time how timely the material in the book would be for me when talking to the twins. Dr. Tatum shares insight on the impact of racism, racial identity and the lack of addressing racial issues. Reading this book I realized that it’s my duty to address these issues that would affect my kids during their formative years. I also had to prepare myself for the questions they’d have and the uneasiness I was sure to feel. I must admit one of my greatest concerns was to make sure they continued to treat people fairly. I needed them to know that conversations on race are essential in order for there to be an informed understanding of the minority’s reality. Racial biases are formed early and typically are taught. Breaking the silence to talk about race and accepting differences will help to nurture an open mind. I want them to embrace people on the content of character not the color of their skin. I want them to live who they are....embracing all aspect of being Black and American!