I personally incorporated talks about racism with my
kids at an early age for multiple reasons, one major reason being was that they
attended a predominately white school. Many of the teachers that they
encountered were from white homogeneous societies and were not culturally
competent. One of the methods I used for the twins specifically, was to include the topic of race in our summer readings. One book in particular, I had the twins read was To Kill a
Mockingbird. This book was a catalyst for a couple of topics we discussed with racism being the major focal point. Our conversations allowed me an opportunity
to connect with them about their perspectives and how they feel about various social issues. It’s encouraging to watch my sons use critical thinking
skills, share their thoughts on race and expand their minds. I want them to
consider others, be empathetic, accept differences and hold firm to their own
values/beliefs.
It can be difficult to engage in conversations about racism however it is a necessary discussion for black children. Unfortunately, black children/adolescents aren’t always afforded the same mistakes as their white counterparts. A Washington Post article states, “America does not extend the fundamental elements of childhood to black boys and girls. Black childhood is considered innately inferior, dangerous and indistinguishable from black adulthood. Black children are not afforded the same presumption of innocence as white children, especially in life-or-death situations” (2014). According to APA “Black boys as young as 10 may not be viewed in the same light of childhood innocence as their white peers, but are instead more likely to be mistaken as older, be perceived as guilty and face police violence if accused of a crime, according to new research published by the American Psychological Association” (2014). It is a despicable truth that I and so many other Black parents have to teach our children how to navigate through their day to day when they are not with us. This type of conversation about race and the way society views Black people is essential in every home. Our major concern is ensuring our children’s safe return home daily so that they can grow up healthy and live free! I know my concern is giving them balance so that they can be mindful of their choices, it saddens me that they have to consider all of those factors when they have to deal with hormones and peers. My prayers for the twins changed as they got older and I hate that I sometimes over saturate them with information. What's a mother to do? I want my sons afforded opportunities that I've worked hard to secure for them without fear or oppression. I know it's not asking too much because every mother I've spoken to that isn't Black thinks similarly about her children. I LIVE for the day that this becomes true for OUR kids.
I’ve added the links I referenced below along with
other resource links about discussions on racism:
Patton, S. (2014). In America, black children don’t
get to be children. Retrieved from: https://www.washingtonpost.com/opinions/in-america-black-children-dont-get-to-be-children/2014/11/26/a9e24756-74ee-11e4-a755-e32227229e7b_story.html
https://www.pbs.org/parents/talking-about-racism
Martin,
M. (2020). How white parents can talk to their kids about race. Retrieved from:
https://www.npr.org/2020/06/03/869071246/how-white-parents-can-talk-to-their-kids-about-race
Let’s
talk about the figurative and literal death caused by unhealed trauma many
black women suffer and the labels placed on them by society. The lack of access
to mental healthcare has affected the black community extensively however what
has been more harmful is society’s inability to SEE Black women as soft, vulnerable
and worth protection. Dr. Jamilia Blake’s
dives into and “explores how sexism and racism interact to shape our
experiences in education, criminal justice and even our social relationships.
Her research, suggests that bias toward black girls can lead to less
protection and support, and more punishment, among educators and law
enforcement”. I think it would be fair to say it is also a perspective that
many of us (Black women) have internalized and now believe. This is demonstrated
by how so many Black women don’t allow themselves to be vulnerable because we
have been raised to see ourselves the way we are viewed by the masses. The negative stereotypes and tropes we've been saddled with - unworthy, hard, angry, aggressive, confrontational etc... have all been a detriment to our day to day survival.
Currently,
I catch myself re-evaluating my thoughts about crying. I had to unlearn that
crying is for "the weak" and I battle with allowing myself to shed tears although
I know crying is a healing mechanism. There are times I have to mentally remind
myself that it’s ok to be sad, feel hurt, be afraid, to cry. I grew up being
told to “be strong” or being treated as if my “hurt” does not matter in almost
every area of my life. Vulnerability was not an option and useless when
surviving was key. Life has taught me that I needed to re-frame the way I viewed
the word “strong” in an effort to process through pain and past hurt. I also
learned that society’s view of the Black woman has significantly impacted the
world she lives in due to the intersectionality of race and gender bias that makes
a difference in the struggle she endures. So much of
what we were taught has to be unlearned to embrace being vulnerable. Of course
I took some time to research other material on this topic and here is an excerpt from “Black don’t
crack” expressing similar thoughts:
It’s Okay If Black Sometimes Cracks
That’s why taking care of our mental health, as black women, is crucial and even more so, what we are mentally transferring to our daughters. Most of us were taught to be strong, work hard, “don’t take no stuff”, and don’t let them see you cry. However, the homework lesson that was missed was that we are beautiful and it’s okay to “not be okay.” We have trauma passed down from our ancestors so deeply rooted, it’s become a normal part of who we are. But, now is the time to change the script.
· Therapy is not just for white people and it does not mean you are crazy.
· Crying is not a weakness, it is a release. Like the rain washing away debris after a storm, our tears slowly wash away our unseen trauma.
· Let your children know it’s okay to “feel their feelings”. –Janine Maryland
According to an article written by Meadows-Fernandez,
“Teachers, and even parents, may expect black girls to exceed age-appropriate
levels of responsibility at home or assume they don’t need to be comforted
after emotionally distressing events” (2019). In order to alter the broken pattern we
must allow Black girls their childhood, to be vulnerable and feel protected so
that they have the opportunity to address traumatic situations with healthy
coping skills. As oppose to suppressing pain, hiding hurt or avoid getting
help. We know that unhealed trauma is detrimental to mental health, this is why black women
must be allowed the space needed to share their stories and have their voices
heard. Addressing how we view ourselves, the underlying issues of systematic
racism and negative narrative used to oppress must change.
This is my safe space, sharing
my thoughts, feelings and being vulnerable. I now understand that it is
important for me to be transparent, process what I’m feeling instead of
suppressing my emotions for the sake of others. For many years I did that in
absolutely EVERY area of my life (I know women of all races understand that). It’s
time WE begin to allow each other the space we need to recover from the trauma
we experience. For me that means understanding that there is strength in tears
and power in vulnerability! Remember in whatever you do seek the healing you
need from old wounds so that you can truly Live FREE!
Here
are the links referenced:
Meadows-Fernandez,
A. (2020). Why won’t society let Black Girls be children. Retrieved from: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/04/17/parenting/adultification-black-girls.html
I was watching a rerun of a Scandal episode last week
and a scene between Fitz and Marcus intrigued me beyond the purpose of the
show. Here’s the gist of their conversation;
Fitz: Hey Marcus, where you coming from?
Marcus: I was in town to review the layouts for the library, and noticed just how white Vermont is after counting only one other black person.
Fitz: *chuckles gingerly* you count black people?!
Marcus: Of course, I do all Black people count other black people
Fitz: Why are you counting black people?
Marcus: ….in case something goes down I need to know how many will have my back.
I laughed at the accuracy of Marcus' response and thought “we all really do consciously look for one another”! I later shared this scene and my thoughts with a social work colleague and the conversation that preceded led me to research the “why” behind it this social habit. I was pleased to find an article by Elijah Anderson, sharing his thoughts on “black people counting black people” – here’s an excerpt:
“As black people move about the white space, often the first thing they note is the number of black people present. The presences of familiar faces, or simply other black faces, brings a measure of comfort.
Being generally outnumbered by white people, black people feel a peculiar vulnerability, and they assume that other black people understand the challenges of this space in ways that white people cannot. Since the white space can turn hostile at any moment, the implicit promise of support black people sense from other black people serves as a defense, and it is part of the reason that black people acknowledge one another in this space, with the racial nod – an informal greeting serving as a trigger that activates black solidarity in this space.” -Elijah Anderson
I don't necessarily agree with all of what Mr.
Anderson shared in the article he wrote however his assessment of why black people look for other black
people, sounds about right. In “Why
Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?: And Other
Conversations About Race” Dr. Tatum talks about the reasons behind why
black adolescents naturally segregate themselves when in white spaces. Her deep
dive into conversation of race and black identities help me to learn even more
about my own choices. (If you have time it's worth the read) I don’t think I will ever stop counting black people,
because it does make me feel safe to see other black people in white dominated
spaces. I think for the my next blog entry I'll write about “Being an Ally” because far too often black
people are expected to make white people feel “at ease”, this will be your
opportunity to return the favor. Be organic because it has to come from the
heart. Until next entry….Be positive and Live FREE!
Here's links to the article and book I referenced:
Anderson, E. (2018). This is what it feels like to be
black in white spaces. The Guardian.
Retrieved by: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2018/jun/09/everyday-racism-america-black-white-spaces
During undergrad I can recall one major factor being stressed the most about becoming an effective social worker was empathy. I thought
this was good because it’s actually a Gallup strength of mine and was innate. Having
the ability to place yourself in the position of another in an effort to
understand and share another person’s feelings whether you agree or don’t agree
with the extenuating circumstances. Or as I like saying it “seeing the human”. I
completely understand that not everyone will have a high level of empathy
however when it comes to the mistreatment of others it’s heartbreaking to know
that empathy isn’t always a considered emotion. Taking the time to consider
others and the reasons why or what brought them to the space they are in or
systems that work against them helps to nurture empathy. I personally think
that it’s often a huge piece missing when I think about some white people and
their indifference to Black Lives Matter movement.
Previously, I’ve shared a lot about my feelings and
anxiety about the current climate we are in and my biggest pet peeve when
discussing race is the assumption that it is the black person’s “job” to educate
them about systematic racism. I have a lot of discussion with my white
counterparts and what I love is when they genuinely want to know what they can
do to help combat racism and racist behavior. First thing I say about being a
good ally in anything is educating YOURSELF! Whenever I want to learn something
that I feel passionate about I take the time necessary to gain the knowledge
needed to be successful in said field/topic, through research. Reading what I
can, processing what I’ve read, seeking out educational classes and most
importantly putting what I’ve learned into practice. During one of my
conversations with a good friend, (who happens to be white) she shared with me
her thoughts on a book she was reading called “White Fragility”, at the time I
had not heard of the book so it was new to me. She asked me if I ever felt she “shied
away from conversations about race”, this is the type of opportunity to share
my thoughts and feelings I appreciate. She was sure to provide a safe space for
me to speak and was prepared to listen without taking anything personally. I
love how she talked about unlearning so much of what she was taught (FYI, I had
to do the same). Granted I know everyone is different however I would suggest
if you are serious about being an ally and serious about “changing the world”
for the better, take some time to self-reflect, do some research, become a
critical thinker, talk to your black friends, get some black friends, but most
importantly cultivate empathy!
So much of our work to mending fences of past hurts and building bridges to a better future rely in us seeing one another, being respectful of each other and allowing people to live their truth without hurting anyone. Ok, so that got a little too sappy so I’m going to stop writing and share some links. Remember to live the life that truly reflects who you are! Be empathetic and Live Free!!
Waldman, K. (2018). A Sociologist Examines
the “White Fragility” That Prevents White Americans from Confronting Racism.
Retrieved from: https://www.newyorker.com/books/page-turner/a-sociologist-examines-the-white-fragility-that-prevents-white-americans-from-confronting-racism
Hilaire, J. (2020). A call to Action. Retrieved from https://www.insidehighered.com/advice/2020/06/10/recommendations-how-white-allies-can-truly-support-black-people-and-their
Gonzales, E. (2019). Retrieved from: https://generocity.org/philly/2019/08/22/dear-white-people-and-non-black-people-of-color-get-comfortable-being-uncomfortable/
Healthy Mental Health Practices
I
grew up learning a lot about life indirectly and what I learned directly were
usually survival techniques. Critically thinking and feeling your feelings
wasn’t encouraged during my childhood, it was usually “do as your told and deal
wit it”. I don’t ever recall having someone sitting down with me and asking me “how
I was doing”, “what are your thoughts” or just explain why anger is considered
a secondary emotion. Of course now I know why anger is considered a secondary
emotion however do you know how valuable it would have been to learn that anger
is what individuals resort to in order to shield ourselves from feeling
vulnerable!? It would have been such a healthy learning experience to
understand and embrace my primary feelings of being afraid, hurt, offended or
disrespected. Then encouraged to express said feelings in a safe non-judgmental
environment. Unfortunately, so much of this insightful content was not afforded
to during my formative years, hell or even my young adult years. I’ve learned
so much about emotional intelligence during undergrad and it helped me to
unlock a lot of personal areas that needed to be improved, changed and/or
buried. The great thing I found out about self-improvement is becoming
self-aware, taking an authentic honest look within to identify ways to navigate
through life true to who I am.
To
be transparent I sometimes think, I’m often doing what I do to satisfy the
little girl in me that was neglected and unsupported. My sacrifices as a
mother, my supportive nature as a friend, my encouraging spirit to anyone in
need of encouragement is all truly for the girl inside of me that didn’t feel
supported or receive the encouragement she needed. I honestly believe that many
women may have a similar story, we are just taught to suppress those
thoughts/feelings. I actually wish that I didn’t have to target black girls but
the ugly truth is that we aren’t given the necessary tools to healthy mental health
practices. Sometimes……most of the time there no safe spaces created within our
own communities, so if being part of the solution is doing my part in targeting
young black girls so that they feel supported, heard and most of all LOVED then
I’m up for the task!
This is supposed to be my last entry for this section
but I just may have to continue on to stay encourage myself. J
Live FREE!
Here is a link to another great read:
https://www.self.com/story/black-mental-health-resources
Here is some of the information I gathered as it specifies how the effect racism and discrimination negatively impacts the physical and mental
health of Black Americans. “Racial trauma may result from racial harassment,
witnessing racial violence, or experiencing institutional racism” (Turner &
Richardson, 2016). This article went on
to state that trauma may result in experiencing symptoms of depression,
anxiety, low self-esteem, feelings of humiliation, poor concentration, or
irritability. According
to a report on The Impact of Racial Trauma on
African Americans, Dr. Walter Smith identifies the impact of racial
trauma:
Increased
vigilance and suspicion – Suspicion of social institutions
(schools, agencies, government), avoiding eye contact, only trusting persons
within our social and family relationship networks
Increased
sensitivity to threat – Defensive postures, avoiding new
situations, heightened sensitivity to being disrespected and shamed, and avoid
taking risks
Increased
psychological and physiological symptoms – Unresolved traumas
increase chronic stress and decrease immune system functioning, increase risks for depression and anxiety disorders,
and disrupt child development and quality of emotional attachment in family and
social relationships
Narrowing
sense of time – Persons living in a chronic state of danger do
not develop a sense of future; do not have long-term goals, and frequently view
dying as an expected outcome.
Fortunately I was
able to find multiple websites and mental health practitioners dedicated to
assisting those that may be dealing with the harmful effects of racial trauma
through providing evidence based practice therapy, information about coping skills, self-care techniques and healthy suggestions
to protect your mental health. To my non-black colleagues in the field that are just now starting out or those that are NOT culturally competent please be sure to continue reading as the next three entries are dedicated to Black Mental Health. The information could be useful to your future plans as you encounter African American clients. Below I am sharing links to articles and for
virtual Black therapist should you need to refer a client out.
Be encouraged and
Stay strong.
References
Smith, W. (2010). The impact
of racial trauma on african americans. The Heinz Endowment. https://www.heinz.org/userfiles/impactofracialtraumaonafricanamericans.pdf
Turner, E., & Richardson, J. (2016). Racial
trauma is real: the impact of police shootings on african americans. Psychology Benefits Society. https://psychologybenefits.org/2016/07/14/racial-trauma-police-shootings-on-african-americans/
As discussed in the previous post, racial trauma or race-based trauma often goes unnoticed by many of us. Unfortunately hidden wounds of racial trauma experienced by Black Americans are worn like invisible weights. During my research I was able to find methods to protect your mental health while coping with the stress of racism. The meme above provides suggestions on how to create a positive space and filter the amount of information you allow into your mental space. Personally, I've had to pull back from all of the news being disbursed by TV and social media. It has all become overwhelming and began to be a source of stress. Figuring out ways to use my energy to assist and advocate for racial equality has helped. I suggest finding things that make you happy and indulging a little. I like babies and funny dog videos so I altered my TL algorithms to show me precious babies and funny pups. It's a tool I use to "checkout" when the work that I'm doing gets to be too much. I also joined a water aerobics class, for me there is nothing more soothing than floating in a pool after my workout. Its relaxing and makes me feel good. Incorporating healthy coping skills is paramount to maintain your sanity while processing the stress of racial trauma.
In
addition the following eight steps are provided by Dr. Kenneth Hardy, to assist therapist with clients or individual coping in healing
after experiencing racial injustices in our community. (2013)
Affirmation and Acknowledgement: This involves professionals helping the individual to
develop a sense of understanding acceptance of racial issues. This step is
important because it opens the door for us to dialogue about issues related to
race.
Create Space for Race: Creating
space allows an open dialogue with our communities about race. Hardy notes that
we must take a proactive role to identify race as a significant variable and
talk openly about experiences related to race.
Racial Storytelling: Gives
individuals an outlet to share personal experiences and think critically about
events in their lives. This provides an opportunity to hear others voice how
they have been treated differently due to their race and it helps expose hidden
wounds through storytelling.
Validation: Can
be seen as a personalized tool used to counter devaluation. This provides confirmation
of the individuals’ worth and their redeemable qualities.
The Process of Naming: With
the scarcity of research on the effects of racial trauma on mental health,
there is of course no name as of yet making it a nameless condition. This in
turn increases the doubt and uncertainty. By naming these experiences we give
individuals a voice to speak on them and also recognize how they impact them.
If we apply a mental health condition, individuals may experience symptoms
similar to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD).
Externalize Devaluation: The
aim for this step is to have people focus on increasing respect and recognizing
that racial events do not lower their self-worth.
Counteract Devaluation: This
step uses a combination of psychological, emotional, and behavioral resources
to build self-esteem and counter racial attacks. This helps prevent future loss
of dignity and sense of self.
Re-channeling Rage: By
re-channeling rage, individuals can learn to gain control of their emotions and
not let emotions consume them. This is an important step because it empowers
people to keep pushing forward after adversity. This may include taking steps
to engage in activism or self-care strategies such as spending time with
family.
I have provided
links to the articles I used and links to some Black Mental Health websites
that will assist in the area of cultivating positive mental health. In the next
post we will further cover coping with the recent racial events.
Be encourage
and Stay strong.
Reference
Hardy, K. (2013). Healing the hidden wounds of racial
trauma. Reclaiming Children and Youth.
Vol 22(1). https://static1.squarespace.com/static/545cdfcce4b0a64725b9f65a/t/54da3451e4b0ac9bd1d1cd30/1423586385564/Healing.pdf
Turner, E., & Richardson, J. (2016). Racial
trauma is real: the impact of police shootings on african americans. Psychology Benefits Society. https://psychologybenefits.org/2016/07/14/racial-trauma-police-shootings-on-african-americans/
Therapy for Black Girls https://therapyforblackgirls.com/
Coping with racial
events that have recently transpired on a national level has been overwhelming as
I stated in the last post. I’ve taken proactive steps to create as much
positive energy as I can to combat my anxious feelings about the civil unrest. One way I’ve done that is
to alter some of the content I post on social media and limiting time online. I believe that it is crucial to our mental health well-being to
set healthy boundaries. Additionally, taking the time to research and read how
racial trauma can affect you helps to bring awareness and hopefully fosters practicing
coping skills. Understanding how excessive exposure to racial trauma alters
behavior and cause mental anguish is extremely important.
Lately, there has been an
abundance of racial issues covered in all media outlets. Unfortunately Black
Americans deal with overt and covert racism far too often and the current
events are compounding challenges and daily stressors. The American Psychiatric
Association's (APA) manual of mental health disorders currently recognizes
racism as trauma, in certain cases, specifying workplace discrimination, hate crimes, or the result of an
accumulation of many small occurrences, such as everyday discrimination and
microaggressions. In a quick review of the
DSM-5, the criteria for a PTSD diagnosis
state;
Criterion A – exposure to
actual or threatened death, serious injury. Directly experiencing or witnessing
traumatic events.
Criterion B –
Re-experiencing of the trauma
Criterion C – Persistent
avoidance of trauma reminders
Criterion D – Negative
alterations in mood/cognition
Criterion E – Alterations
of hyper arousal and reactivity
In an article for Psychology Today, Dr. Monnica Williams
writes all symptoms of PTSD may be present due to racial trauma, even if a
Criterion A event cannot be identified. (2019) However, coping with racial
trauma has to be done mindfully and cannot be “CBT” away. Therapist have to
acknowledge the systematic oppression of Black Americans equity and treat the trauma.
There needs to be adequate therapeutic
structures in place to help Black communities process these experiences,
some researchers
have made a correlation between racial trauma and negative health outcomes like
anger, numbness, restlessness and loss of appetite which are symptoms found in depression.
Below are the links to a couple articles
I quoted and a link to Therapy for Black Men. Please be sure to utilize the
information provided and share. In the upcoming post we will take a
“commercial” break from all that is going on and focus on some much needed and
essential self-care.
Remember be encouraged and stay strong!
Reference
Therapy for Black Men https://therapyforblackmen.org/
Coping While Black: A Season of
Traumatic News Takes A Psychological Toll https://www.npr.org/sections/codeswitch/2015/07/02/419462959/coping-while-black-a-season-of-traumatic-news-takes-a-psychological-toll
I believe that it is imperative to infuse some information
and resources about self-care. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI)
shares the importance of recharging and taking care of self although much of the
information addresses caregivers and helping professionals, I thought during
this time we all could use vital self-care information. Everyday self-care
techniques are a key source to a healthy emotional, mental and physical
well-being. Far too often we place self-care on the back burner or completely
overlook the importance of incorporating strategies to prevent mental meltdown.
Identifying the onset of burnout, conceivable barriers, and personal triggers
can be the caveat to determine better self-care practices. It is important that
we begin to cultivate self-care practices for our physical, emotional and
mental well-being. Many Black Americans encounter daily microaggressions, racial
challenges and traumatic situations that increase the risk of experiencing
extreme stress and/or mental anguish. This is why I believe that self-care
should not be optional and we must incorporate self-care practices to preserve
our mental health. Again, establishing proper self-care practices are significant
in counteracting negative consequences and lowers the chances of adverse effects when there are challenging encounters.
Self-care
practices will vary from person to person therefore, it should always be an
individualized plan to assist in decreasing stress and restoring healthy coping
mechanisms. It is your responsibility to figuring out what works for you,
recognizing when it is time to replenish your emotional well-being and refuel
depleted mental resources. Self-inventory is significant as it aids you
to view stress from a more objective perspective. The main goal of this post is
to educate and emphasize the benefits of positive self-care strategies as well
as promote multiple resources to implement effective self-care. I also believe
that it is important to access mental health providers that make the client
feel understood and heard. Below I’ve provided a few links to mental health
therapist and a link to self care ideas.
Thanks for reading, but don’t forget to be encouraged and stay strong!
You can get through it!
Resource References:
Zencare https://blog.zencare.co/how-to-find-a-black-therapist/
and https://blog.zencare.co/mental-health-tips-for-black-folks-from-black-therapists/
45 Lab-Approved
Ways to Create the Ultimate Self-Care Routine https://www.goodhousekeeping.com/health/wellness/g25643343/self-care-ideas/
Oumou Sylla – Bloom https://nycbloomtherapy.com/oumou-sylla/
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