Saying NO!!

I’m sitting here typing out my talking points for the support group I facilitate. I remember when I first started, I was sure to really just observe initially taking the time to listen actively to the stories being shared the non-verbal expressed and the words not said. Due to my desire to help those who are hurting my first instinct was to encourage but I needed to be a student before I could help as a “teacher”.  I began to create topical handouts that were created from the stories shared my hope has always been to empower them to trust again, love again, try again and believe in themselves to go Live!

 I often share with my Guy my thoughts and ideas and he gives great feedback and impeccable insight so in reference to this particular handout he stated “…..it encompasses ways on self-empowerment”, my heart smiled because that’s exactly what I want it to do. Empowering yourself goes further than we realize it’s unfortunate we don’t get to see just how much we miss out on when turning a blind eye to the many positive aspects that surround us due to being consumed by the negatives or traumatic experiences. I remember the days, weeks, months, years I sat and nursed all my woes (problems, attitudes, missed opportunities) along with those who would join me and help feed the negativity or bring their own woes. I fed guilt, regret, anger, sadness and a broken heart like they were my children.

There is this one quote that states “give yourself the permission to say NO to anything that makes you unhappy and drains your energy!” It’s not difficult for me to say no to others however during that time I found it somehow difficult to say NO to myself and allowed myself to get mad and stay mad, choose to hold grudges or be angry to the point of ruining multiple days. I embraced sadness and lived in regret allowing those feelings to consume my thoughts, my actions and/or behavior. It took time, truthful self-evaluating and change to get me to a point to alter the way I think and allow into my heart & mind.

My handout for tonight’s session is simply titled “Saying NO!” I wanted to share because it’s like my Guy said self-empowering! Now typically I go through a “spill” prior to giving the handouts, then we discuss by personalizing the topic which creates an atmosphere of openness and supporting each other. So a few discussion points on encouraging you to saying NO to you or any life circumstances that may try stopping you from reaching your place of living Free and Happy!

¨  Negative Thoughts: If there is one thing I’ve learned studying God’s word, psychology and multiple counseling theories it’s that your mind is your sacred space and to lose it would be detrimental. What do you typically think about?  Do you focus on how far you’ve come, or how far you have to go?  Do you place emphasis on your strengths or your weaknesses? Do you contemplate the best that could happen or the worst that might come to be? You can close the windows to your mind and darken your space, or you can open the windows and let light in it’s always your choice. Pay attention to your self-talk because a lot of what you say to yourself determines how you feel and conduct yourself. Say NO to negative thinking.

¨  Settling: Don’t settle for less than your worth! Being able to start or create something better in your life you have to be motivated! Moving yourself from a place of being stagnant will involve you placing distance between yourself and non-progressive relationships/situations to see things clearly.  Sometimes growing up means growing apart from old habits or friends and finding new things/hobbies that truly inspire the maturing you! Look within and explore what gets you so excited you can’t wait to go get it, that’s what life is all about.  Say NO to settling.

¨  Outside Negative Influence If you don’t value yourself, look out for yourself and stick up for yourself, you become vulnerable to the manipulation, mistreatment and misuse by others.  You do not have control over what others say and do; but you do have control over whether or not you will allow them to say and do these things to you by staying. You alone can deny their poisonous words and actions from invading your heart and mind. Remember, to protect and respect your sacred inner space, say NO to outside negativity.

¨  Unhealthy Relationships: This isn’t just for romantic involvement it’s any relationship you have that may be toxic! Choose your relationships wisely being alone will never cause as much loneliness or heartache as the negative relationships. Iron sharpens iron, be among those who will help to make you better, correct you when you are wrong and encourage you during weak moments. Leaving the wrong relationship has nothing to do with weakness, and everything to do with strength!  Say NO to unhealthy relationships

¨  Holding on to mistakes and regret: If you're thinking at all about uncluttering your life and cleaning up your space, start with the things that are truly useless, like old regrets, shame, and unforgiveness. Let me quote Erykah Badu “Bag lady you gone hurt your back….dragging all them bags like that…I guess nobody ever told you…All you must hold onto, is YOU, so pack light!” You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep rereading your previous one. Take the necessary steps to find ways to live through what’s happen because you owe it to yourself to be free of any shame or regret. Say NO to regret!

“Saying yes when you need to say no, you cripple the most important relationship in your life: the relationship between you and you.” ~Nea Joy

BE Strong and Live Free

....with Humility comes Wisdom

I was discussing humility with a friend last week it was quite a thought provoking conversation, so much so I found myself reviewing our discussion and being inspired to write down my assessment. Of course this also made me go into this desire for information overload.  I wanted to research and read articles on humility until my eyes begged for mercy. However, lucky for my fingers and eyes I’ve been way too busy to spend the time to research, read and then compose how I feel. So I’m “shooting from the hip” on this one.

I want to begin with a quote I have on my desk about humility, then express my personal interpretation of what humility looks like to me and share some of the statements made in the conversation that inspired it all. I must forewarn you that I’m running on fumes so if I began to ramble blame it on the alcohol I wish I was drinking right now. I’ve been working excessively for the last week and I’m starting to feel it!

 I want to share my views on humility and how I have often observed the way an excessive amount of pride will cause a person to miss the lesson life is attempting to teach. One of the comments I made during my discussion about humility is “I’ve learned how to humble myself through my adversities because what I figured out is when I don’t it tends to happen again. I watch others go through difficult situations come out with minimum repercussions or by the skin of their teeth and not have an ounce of humility from what they’ve been through”.  I stated this because internally I wanted to know why some people don’t humble themselves after difficulties. But, I swiftly decided to focus on why I now do. Maybe just maybe by doing that something else will reveal itself to me and help me show humility consistently.  

The first quote I have to share is one that I’ve had on my desk for about 8 years or more, it’s a quote by Ezra Taft Benson, who I believe was Christian of the LDS faith. He states “Pride is concerned with who is right. Humility is concerned with what is right”. I believe I retrieved the quote from a picture frame that was used as a centerpiece at a women’s retreat I attended some many years ago. I remember thinking while sitting at the table how I didn’t want to be so prideful that I would not be effective in ministry work. During the retreat, I was given the frame and I placed it on my desk and referred to the quote when conflict appeared in my life. The quote helped me to take self out and concentrate on what would be the best course of action as it relates to the Word of God. Of course, this would usually cause inner struggle between my flesh and spirit. I’m honest enough to admit that my flesh would win from time to time because of the person I was dealing with at the time. However the process of taking the time out to think about “being more concerned for what’s right than just being right” began to become second nature, compelling me to follow the path of doing what’s right.

We don’t often see ourselves as prideful; I mean how many times have you heard someone state “Hey I’m just too prideful to admit I’m wrong!”?  Being too prideful will take you to a place of justifying, blaming and losing sight of the message. How many times have you been able just to take full ownership of something that didn’t turn out right due to your choices? Did you say “I was wrong.”?  I mean just really took ownership with no excuses coupled only with a sincerely remorseful heart. You see, that’s part of what I think humility is! It is a masterful balance between thinking less of self, your feelings or how this will make you look to others and yet empowering yourself. Humility allows you to enrich your inner strength with wisdom that many desire to have but haven’t acquired. It’s being able to see that others are just as important as you are no matter your status in life.  It understands that I have to truly embrace that I don’t know everything and still could be taught valuable life lessons at any age by someone younger, older, richer, poorer and less educated or from a different culture.  

My new outlook on humility is due to a combination of things such as; a difficult period in my life, higher education, opening up my mind to listen to others and wanting those around me to experience happiness. Ok let me close, because I will ramble. :) I must end with Mr. Chronicle of Narnia himself, C.S. Lewis, who states that “true humility is not thinking less of yourself it’s thinking of yourself less.” Humbling yourself doesn’t make you the weaker vessel it actually strengthens the vessel that you are in. ~LatriceRenee

Be Strong! Live Free!!  

In the words of Maya Angelou....."and still I Rise"!

I can probably count on one hand how many times I’ve been humiliated. I’m sure others may have had more experiences than I have and probably to a degree of greater severity. What I can express is how much I loathe enduring the emotions that transpire while being humiliated. The shock that happens during this time all but paralyzes your vocal cords rendering you speechless. The anxiety and embarrassment overwhelms your sensory. The anger, my goodness the anger makes you want to vindicate yourself “by any means necessary” as Malcolm X would say.  However as with anything I’ve encountered in this stage of my life, I actively seek out the opportunity for self-improvement. This is a tough one though; I mean how do you turn an experience that crushes your spirit in the presence of others into an empowering lesson?

Humiliation involves an event that demonstrates unequal power in an encounter where you are in the inferior position and unjustly diminished. I understand that there are multiple ways a person can experience being humiliated so for the sake of clarity I’m speaking to being placed in a position where someone is misusing their power/authority over you. Often the painful experience of being humiliated can be vividly remembered for a long time, if the individual allows it to consume every aspect of their thought process. It’s difficult to reach a point beyond being humiliated but it can be done.  Now I haven’t quite figured out a magic remedy or ran across a fabulous five step plan to give you; I’m just sharing my personal perspective and opinion. I took a rigorous self-inventory, you know really just thought about every facet of what happened. What did I do? What didn’t I do? What could I have done better? I wasn’t looking to excuse the other person’s behavior however I understand how we can become our own worst enemies if we aren’t extremely honest with self about our role and what if possible, could have been done differently.

The “inspiration” for today’s writing stems from a recent experience I had three days ago. I don’t really want to go into many details however I should at least inform you all of the following to assist you should your mind starts to prejudge;

• This isn’t a situation that needed a judgment
• This was only a hearing of inquiry for information
• I’m not now nor have I ever been a criminal.

Ok with that being said here’s the short version of what happen.  Being the custodial parent with physical and legal custody of my kids, I scheduled some time to meet with the judge that recently made a ruling over my daughter’s trust. I was not notified that there was a petition made to withdraw a substantial amount of money by the EX conservator of my daughter’s trust. The ex conservator was granted the money despite being prosecuted and convicted, by this very same judge for basically stealing and gambling some of the trust money. The day of the hearing (side note: which I had to request after finding out) I patiently waited to be heard on three main concerns; to have the conservator officially removed, request to be notified should any other petition for withdrawals be made and inquire about having the trust being changed to a college fund.  I was called to the front, and asked “What are you here for?” before I could get a complete sentence out I was berated and ridiculed by the judge in front of others. It was as if he blamed me for his poor decision making. I paused due to being stunned mostly and waited for the opportunity to speak.  After I sheepishly attempted to state that his initial assumptions were false he then proceeded to interrupt me again to make another unfounded assumption louder and in a more belittling tone. I thought to myself “hey you should probably leave”. It was all becoming a bit too excruciating to stand there.

“Thank you for your time Judge ---, but I can see this isn’t getting me anywhere”, with that statement I grabbed my purse and made a beeline for the door. There was no desire to battle him with words or counter in a disrespectful manner. I cried as I shared my awful encounter with my guy. Its tough going into a courthouse, I mean seriously you are already feeling anxious about being there. Or is that just be me? It didn’t help that I was addressing a judge known to have a haughty attitude and consistently gets the lowest ratings from the state’s bar association due to his unfair rulings.  

In an effort to adhere to one of my goals “aspire to inspire”, I thought about how could I turn this horrible experience around, what could i glean from this? I decided to do a few things.

First, I accepted that it happened and allowed myself to be idle while I processed through my emotions. Life can be a persistent teacher and learning a lesson the first time helps to hinder a reoccurrence. It was an unfortunate and hurtful situation but it wasn’t going to consume another day of my life. What happen was more about his inability to accept his fault and poor judgment than it was about me, so there was no need for me to hold on to that negativity he spewed.

Secondly, one of the actions I took to affirm that my feelings were valid was researching what measures that could be taken to be heard, helped mentally. I know that my status as a divorce middle class working mom isn’t viewed by society as prestigious as a sitting judge but in my heart I know no one has the right to abuse their position of authority. There is a Commission on Judicial Qualifications that according to the law of this state review complaints of misconduct by a judge. Yes it sounds like the “police policing the police” however doing something was better than doing nothing no matter the outcome.

Lastly, I’ve decided to be proactive in moving beyond the whole incident. I mailed the letter off the other day, and decided to write about humiliation as part of my plan of “letting go”. This doesn’t mean I’m discounting the way I felt or what happen but what I am doing is choosing to grow and when you are growing you are moving away from one place to the next.  

This was a difficult situation but I’ve got through tougher situations. Being proactive in practicing to face your emotions without running away and shrinking when they manifest, helps you in processing through those feelings that may arise inside of you. Again I ask, how do you turn an experience that crushes your spirit in the presence of others into an empowering lesson? Accept it! Take Action! Advance ahead!

Be strong and Live Free!

Aspire

….in 2014 I was challenge by a friend on a self-improvement “crusade” of her own to give the 2014 year a theme word that would encourage me, inspire me or keep me positive.  Due to the fact I could only use one word, I had to give it some thought. I decided to use the time to review where I’ve been, where I was going and my goals I decided on the word ”Continue". This was mostly determined by the path I had begun the year prior. I was determined to let myself live freely and without the chains that I permitted so many people to place on me. I spent the 2014 year operating in what it meant to literally proceed ahead. I learned what it truly meant to experience "reason, season, lifetime" in people, places and time. Therefore I “continue” to commit myself to learning, accepting change, embracing new perspectives and healing silently.

In 2015 I found out what the “My One Word” movement was about and it solidified my adoration for the concept of using one word to challenge you into action. You see I was never one for resolutions but I will set goals and plan the strategy to achieve them. About a month prior to 2015 I gravitated to the phrase being stated by those of the generation Y era which is “move around”. The phrase means literally what it states and is used when someone is involved in something that has absolutely nothing to do with them or their life. I live in a small city, for the time being, so of course the phrase was instantly a hit with me and making sure people knew to do if they didn't like me or my choices I made for MY life. I was kind of asserting my new choices a lot more aggressively than I should have so by 2015 I was directed to "Move around" by God! I had learned that just like others can't alter the wonderful events happening in my life I can't make them accept it! I ran across a quote by Aldous Huxley, when I was looking for a new email signature and it confirmed so much of what I had started to embrace. I make sure I focus because I now know..."there is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving and that's your own self".

Instead of just the one word theme for the year in 2015 I took on two, “Moving Around". Yeah I know, here I am making changes already with just a year in. Well I decided to make a conscious choice to move around negativity and remove myself from situations that weren’t beneficial. You know the kind you can see won’t end well if you don’t just take the high road. Nurturing this mindset afforded me the opportunity to learn the value of not taking everything personally, actively listening, incorporating alternative perspectives prior to making a decision or judgment. It also revealed to me that allowing someone else their feelings doesn't make them right and me wrong. "Let the wise hear and increase in learning, and the one who understands obtain guidance" I now embrace the fact that everything said doesn’t need a response and taking a moment to pause gave way to the opportunity to be empowered or enlighten. I actually unlearned some ways of thinking as I placed one foot in front of the other to move around certain situations and/or people that were neither worth the time nor the stress.

 I wrote a note on my facebook page for “My One Word” movement, here is a portion of what I stated; “As we embark on another year’s journey like any year I look forward to the endless possibilities 2016 has to offer even though I know that pitfalls, snares and stumbling blocks are being formed. I've decided in 2016 I shall ASPIRE to be great despite of all of it! I will aspire to utilize what I've learned to first alter my own biases. I will aspire to step out further in Faith. I will aspire to be better each day even when I fail, so not to allow the fear of failure to cripple my progress. I will aspire to love in the face of hate. I will aspire to seek a calm center in the midst of anger. I will aspire to be honest about how I feel instead of being dishonest which only causes resentment. I will aspire to allow myself weak moments so that I can be Strong (have to read 2 Corinthians 12 to catch that one). I will aspire to continue to live a life that pleases God, protects my children and makes me Happy! #AspireToInspire”

It’s been almost three months and I decided to “check in” my progress on the word I choose. I sort of wished I had picked the word “aspire” first but I understand that there is a process to this journey in acquiring knowledge, applying what you’ve learned and maturing. I’ve had to jump off quite a few cliffs of the unknown thus far, pushing me further out of my comfort zone. It's actually helped me accomplish the goals I’ve set for myself. I’ve been provoked by a few spirits of negativity and envy, there are some who don’t think I deserve to move higher in life. It’s unfortunate that some people actually believe they have a say in another person’s good fortune or they can hinder what's already been established. I can’t really say I’ve mastered the whole “I will aspire to love in the face of hate” with flying colors but I have been able to hold my tongue in the physical and speak to my God spiritually.  I hope one day I will have the perfect response that will allow me to inspire someone else to rise above engaging in petty arguments or irrelevant confrontations.

 I was offered a position to facilitate a sexual assault support group a month and a half ago. I accepted the position for a couple of reasons and one of those reasons being that it presented me with the opportunity for the whole 2016 year in aspiring to inspire others that seek a way to improve the way they are living life. I want to assist them in conquering the fear that has hindered them from trusting, forgiving, accepting happiness, living freely and unapologetically. I’m learning from them just as much as I’m encouraging them to apply the life skills I present weekly. 

 

By the end of the year I will have to recap the next nine months and I’m praying that I will have maintained or surpassed what I’m aspiring to do. It’s not as easy staying true to the things I’ve stated as it was to write them down J but my heart is in it because I know this will help more than just me, so I’m determined to continue moving around as I seek to aspire!

 

Taking a Break before I Break!

I’ve had quite the overwhelming past couple of week! Whoever told you that living happy and free means everything will begin to always go your way is not the best advice giver. Now, I don’t think I’ve ever been told that by anyone however sometimes I get these real “Mary Poppins” type of ideas in my head, oh and by “Mary Poppins” I mean like all things will work out magically wonderful because you are being positive and making priority lists!  I guess it stems from the hope I have that makes me believe things will always turn out right because I’m consciously and proactively choosing to put forth my most positive effort as passionately as I know how. I mean when you give your all it’s supposed to, right?! So when things don’t work out the way that I THINK they should due to all my passionate and hard work, I usually spend more time than I need to trying to figure out why? Or I tend to go overboard and analyze everything I did and didn’t do to figure out how I could have done it better. It sounds exhausting and let me just say it IS!!

I’m far from perfect but I love to give it my all in hopes that the things that I do turn out "perfect". I believe that’s why I’ve had a rough couple of weeks. I’m in the midst of spring cleaning which includes finish decorating my room and remodeling my kitchen. I’m preparing for my own college graduation as well as my daughter’s high school graduation this also means prom preparations. In a three month radius an open house/cookout is expected and I won't bother mentioning my other three younger kids schedules I’m juggling like most working moms that are also pursuing  higher education while staying involved in their kids’ lives all before making sure dinner is served between 6:30-7pm nightly.

I sometimes become so focus that I fail to realize I’ve placed too many “irons in the fire” until it’s almost too late. I don’t always take the “break” necessary when I know I should, believing I have enough in me to just keep going and it will be “ok”. I won’t list everything that happened because for one it’s tedious and secondly I don’t like whining…..well too much anyway.  However I am sharing all of this to remind myself to “Live the Advice I give”! I have to allow myself to STOP and breath! Taking the breaks necessary to regroup doesn’t mean failure or that it will never happen. I also have to be OK with being human like everyone else……dammit! (Ok I just laughed at myself because I really need to start owning that I am.)

While I was preparing for the support group I facilitate, I was looking for something on managing stress and feeling overwhelmed. I came across this article below by Tanya J. Peterson on stress and anxiety. The article is so well written and has a few very helpful tips that can easily be applied to everyday living.  One of the tips she has offered is to make a “To Done List” which I actually do this however I use the word accomplished! I have always felt encouraged when I can physically see the fruits of my labor. I champion this suggestion because doing it always encourages me and feels like a “pat on the back”. I often have to remind myself to slow down and relax so not to become overwhelmed but there are times, like the last couple of weeks I forget. So I was reminded by my guy that “everything was going to be alright” during a time when my plans weren’t lining up the way that I wanted them to and now as I sit here processing last week and writing myself some affirmation notes, I came across this quote "Note to self: I don’t have to take this day all at once, but rather one step, one moment one breath at a time. I am only one person. Things will get done when they get done!” in other words DO what you can and let the rest……do what it do?!

I’m going to be a lot more proactive in living this advice I’m giving to you, so in the words of the wise-cracking Whitley Gilbert “Relax, Relate & Release”!

http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2014/08/overwhelmed-by-stress-and-anxiety-how-to-deal-with-it/

What does surviving look like?

So back in 2012 I purchased me a new laptop for the purpose of having access to take some online classes.  After a great conversation during a performance evaluation with my boss I decided to try once again to pursue my undergrad degree. Like I've stated before I love learning new things and acquiring new skills so this gave me the opportunity to take the time to first begin researching best options on what to purchase. I also wanted to be sure I was getting quality not just a great price. I settled on what turned out to be a really good buy, I can say that now because had my funds been greater I would have invested in a MAC book but whatever.

I ran across this program in the photo gallery on my laptop which allowed me to create mini movies. I could gather photos, add songs, add text to sort of narrate, change transitions like in PowerPoint and best of all cut, splice and edit video to make it all one. I was in heaven!! This laptop had given me a nice little pastime so when I needed an escape I created a mini “movie”. Now I'm no Steven or Spike but I still love the work I put into the three I did, I shared with a few of those I knew wouldn’t mind me bothering them about viewing them.

The one below is probably the first one I did during a time when I was struggling with figuring out how to manage a household budget and everything that comes with maintaining a home on my own. I had to figure out a lot on my own however so much of my support and inspiration I received assisted me in my research and encouraged me to keep going. The songs are reflective of what I listen to a lot at the time and how I was feeling.

While reviewing the video last week, I decided to alter some of the words and quite a few of the pictures to reflect more of the happy place I’m in right now. This is mostly reflective toward the end where I’ve added what/Who I Love. I didn’t know three years ago I could be here; a couple of months away from graduating and entering into the next stage of my educational goals, loving a man who’s been a JEWEL of a friend and consistent source of spiritual and emotional support, living a life on my terms no longer anyone else’s.

Being able to survive a long painful divorce, character assassination, isolation and lies takes strength, perseverance and courage. I fought hard to get through more than just what was happening around me by others but the battle within me on how, when or should I respond. It wasn’t easy killing the anger, suffocating the bitterness and pushing pass but often losing to resentment. John Pavlovitz stated “If not your physical self, the much deeper one; the one you sit with in the quiet, the one who lays beside you in the middle of the night, the one who allows you to sleep, the one who sees into you and knows whether or not you did all that you could do to make this world less horrible while you were here.”  I knew in my heart where the real work was needed, the work that mattered, the work that would Free Me! I focus on my character because I wanted to be able to live with me when the dust settled. I liked who I was but I knew if I was going to Love me I was going to have to make some changes. I’ve embraced the new and allowed the old to move on, for me that’s what surviving truly looks like.

The Day I "Opened" my eyes!!

As I stated previously I would be posting some of the things I've shared on social media. This happens to be one of my favorite shares, because I learned so much and conquered more than the fear of height. It's one of my "40 New Things" I did during my 40th birthday year. Once I get this mini slideshow converted I will post but for now....I hope I'm able to bring you into my moment of "actualization" as Kurt Goldstein may put it......(Side note: My blog cover picture is from this trip I'm talking about and of course my favorite shot of me owning my line)

 

 

July 24, 2013 ·

God Blessed me Greatly with having some of the BEST fun EVER in Punta Cana!!! I still have 10 things left to do in my quest to do 40 NEW Things celebrating my 40th year! One thing I'm MOST proud of is Conquering "fear of height" and going Zip Lining!!! I was so "ready" in my mind but when I got up there and they told me it was 12 lines to do and the longest line was 800 meters AND I would be going across a river and over trees.....all that "readiness" sort of oozed out of me....I watched a LONG line of people go before me even kids(yeah like little kids too could have been a midget tho), but when my time came I damn near passed out! The guide tried soothing me but I wasn't NO GOOD!! I felt a panic attack coming and I damn near cried......ok I did cry a little but it got real up there in the mountains this wasn't no damn Disney ride!! It's all fun and games until you get to that ledge look down and then Alllllllllllll the way across. Then there is the little bitty a$$ line that's "suppose" to carry yo big butt to the other side.....I know I know.....no one was forcing me. There was a moment when I looked at it like this.....My whole life was like this zip line. I allowed self to talk me out of doing things I really wanted to do because I either allowed fear to enter in or overthinking! The guide said "I've been where you've been! On my first time out I was so afraid too, but I promise after you go you won't be afraid anymore" he then asked me was I ready? I wasn't but I silently told Jesus "I Love you" and then shook my head yes to the guide. Guess what, he was RIGHT! After the third line I was damn near joggin up the mountain to get to the next line. I got to line #11 and I said to the guide "I Got this one and then the LONGEST line to do!!" I felt proud and thought this will prepare me for the next.  The guide looked at me and said "No! THIS is the longest line!" Fear came right back and sat down for dinner. Nervousness and irritation washed over me because he knew damn well he didn't have to tell me that was the longest line! But I guess he did to keep his job and me safe, but I felt like there was another way. The guide explained on the longest line you have to hold both hands on the harness, which means there is no holding the line whatsoever *insert Hell NAW face* which means NO Brakes insert *You Got to be Kidding me face* and NO added security insert *Why am I doing this again* face.

So the guide said "Don't forget you control your ride" and with that he pushed me off and there I went! Yikes!!  

 When I turned 40 I told myself I was going to enjoy living more and care LESS about things/people that don't matter. I no longer wanted to take for granted the days God gave me....so during the 800 meters ride, I did something I didn't do on the other 10 lines. I opened my eyes and I really enjoyed the ride. I looked around, appreciated the view, looked down at the river but when the wind blew my body to the side instead of panicking I remembered the guide telling me, that I controlled my ride.....so much like MY Life I took control of my ride! ;o) Line #12 was a cake walk.....I don't know why this became sort of a metaphor for the new stage of my life but it did and I appreciate how God gave me that because it encouraged me to continue to do what He's allowed me to do and that's really to just Enjoy Living! I had an AWESOME time in Punta Cana!