The danger of
feeding into negativity and the resulting factors have been well documented on a psychological and
spiritual level. The only true way to release yourself from the burden of a life of bitterness and dwelling in misery is to actively implement the life changing information readily available. Why
do we opt out of using it? Is it easier to hold on to bitterness while denying that it so obviously exist in your life? Bitterness drives so many of us yet we swiftly dispel that notion instead of giving it proper consideration. I mean hell who wants to be labeled as being "bitter", right? I'm going to challenge you to take some
time to think about it, no one is around it's just you and your thoughts. If you begin by excluding the time spent on what/who caused the hurt/pain allowing you to only to concentrate on what your reality is, at this present moment. So
what happen, happened! It sucks! Refusing
to acknowledge acceptance of what has transpired and your present day reality is the seed of bitterness. We can get into what fuels it a little later. What does accepting look like because it’s not just saying “I accept what’s
happened to me!” Acceptance resembles release, learning the lesson and growth. If you find that your struggle is covered in negative speech, destructive acting out and constant blame then you are bitter. Acceptance is not your reality. There are other variables that feed into
the end result however when you deal with the core of anything your chances of
resolving the complete issue becomes inevitable.
The
more we hold onto past hurts the more we become drunk on our pain. Repeating the experience can rob us of the joy we could potentially find elsewhere. Again, no one likes to admit that they are bitter or harboring
resentment especially if you use so much of your energy trying to
convince others that you are not. Unfortunately, what typically happens is you began believing what you’ve said over and over
as truth. The façade then becomes disastrous because you will spend months or years in a
private hell due to self deceit. Long lonely tearful nights, many moments of emptiness and feeling unfulfilled daily. I once nurtured bitterness and was well on my way to being consumed. I remember making a choice about 4 years ago to work towards being honest with myself about my feelings and
intent. This was for my personal growth not for anyone else, becoming self-aware enriched my life. Once I accepted
my reality I knew I also had to figure out how I would then alter and LIVE in it. I
realized that the negativity that surrounded me had a lot to do with my choice
of allowing it to breath. There would be no relief if I didn’t first suffocate
the negative energy and replace it with positive energy and people.
“As I walked out the door toward the gate
that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and
hatred behind, I'd still be in prison”. ~Nelson
Mandela
I always appreciate a quote rich in
substance and reality, much can be said for practical advice not just
philosophical words. It also helps when the quote assist in proving a valid point.
Mr. Mandela understood that if he planned to live out the remaining years of
his life happy and effectively that there would be no room for bitterness nor hatred. One of the many lessons he learned while in prison was that a mental
and emotional prison is just as restricting as a physical prison. Your pain may be valid but a bitter attitude will only increase YOUR misery. It will drive away
potential sources of true support and love. Bitterness will always chase away
love in your heart and your life. What’s most unfortunate is the obvious denial
of what has taken root and is being nurtured. I’m sorry but it’s not that well
hidden. If you are honest with yourself then you’ll see some of these
descriptors as being familiar: sad/depressed, angry, hostile, ranting about
wrongs, refusing to see self, resentful, dwelling on past wrongs, stubborn,
wounded, moody, lashing out at others, carrying emotional baggage, blaming
others, stereotyping, scapegoating, agitated, negative, critical, defensive,
cultivating grudges, maliciousness and rage. This is what bitterness looks like.
How could anyone possibly succeed with moving forward fostering any of these
emotions and actions mentioned? One of the first successful steps to healing is
identifying the wound. If we take a moment and think about it that would apply
to any physical/emotional wound.
When
we are hurt, we have a tendency to replay the painful events over and over in
our head or tell anyone who will listen about our pain–even over and over
again. Now I personally think it’s great to discuss your inner most
feelings with a trusted individual or a support group. The trusted individual priorities should be to help you heal from the hurt, facilitate reconciliation if so desired or just
encourage the rebuilding of your life. These are all my personal reflections as
I’ve had to fight the battle of bitterness to save my own life from decaying.
There are a few things I’ve noticed in hindsight, the denial (non-acceptance) and how it
kept me tormented and those that were so willing to eagerly watch me suffer.
There is only one word of advice I will offer about the latter and that’s beware
of those who encourage you to continually sit in a seat of despair amidst bitterness. These individuals do so by making it comfortable and inviting for
you to remain tormented disguising their help as “being supportive”. Again, I
speak from personal life experience not solely on research. I learned that the
pain and heartache I experienced wasn’t going away until I dealt with and
accepted what happened. I let go of the idea of “payback” or proving someone
wrong. I shifted my focus inward, so I could see me because I had abandoned me like many others. L
Carl
Jung stated “the person who looks outward dreams, the person who looks inward
awakens.” It wasn’t until I realized that the only true control I had was over
myself, I was then able to begin and allow the work needed to fix my heart and
mind. At the time, I refused to open my eyes to see what was causing the ongoing heartache. I understand that it’s difficult to admit but I want to share with you in love what those
around you may or may not have tried. Or quite possibly you wouldn’t listen. Or maybe you know but decided to subconsciously suppress. The entire purpose for me being transparent in this moment is to honestly tell you, that your life will never get better, that piercing sting will only become more
agonizing and you will always be a prisoner if you persist on the path of
bitterness.
Break
loose and FREE yourself!
